ESRB Talks Scribble

[wraggster]

The hugely anticipated DS title Scribblenauts – developed by 5th Cell and published by Warner Bros. – has a simple but addictive concept: Write anything, solve everything. With stylus in hand players can hop into the game as pretty-boy Maxwell, and with a quick stroke of the pen (or click of the on-screen keyboard) enter in any noun and have it show up. The game has gained serious momentum since its debut, and with it exploding at E3, all eyes are on this innovative title.

Apparently "all eyes" includes the ESRB as well, and the result is some great reading. True, Scribblenauts is a perfect example of why the rating company needs to exist – if you can cover a baby in gasoline and then light it on fire, parents should know that – but as with all first-time players it's just as entertaining to watch as it is to actually interact with Scribble, as the ESRB's rating is as much a critique as a window into its warped soul. It's cold here. Very cold.

First off, the ESRB gave Scribble an E10+ rating. It's pretty expected, really. The game has guns, zombies, and Keyboard Cat; that's all pretty scary stuff. Check out the actual text provided with the game, however, and you're sure to have at least a couple good laughs:

" This is a puzzle game in which players navigate a series of traps, puzzles, and enemies to collect stars scattered throughout the colorful levels. Players have the ability to summon different objects by writing/typing in the word (e.g., bike, spaceship, lion) and watching it come to life. If multiple words are entered in a sequence, different whimsical scenarios can be triggered: a bicycle can be used to jump over a baby; a bulldozer can clear away a shark; and cabbage can be fed to dinosaurs. Players can elect to summon "cartoony" versions of bats, bombs, guns, and flamethrowers. These types of items can be used to destroy objects or even other summoned items (e.g., a club can be used to hit an animal; steak can be attached to a baby to attract lions; rockets can be lobbed at a man). These triggered animations are minimally depicted and are usually accompanied by popping, musical sound effects; bright, star-shaped flashes; or small puffs of smoke. If players wish to, they may type in the word vomit, which causes a beige-colored lump to appear on the screen."

Wait wait wait. We were with you when it came to things like bikes, spaceships, and even lions. But hitting animals with sticks? Covering a baby in meat so that predators attack it? Jumping a child with a bike? Firing rockets at people? Holy hell ESRB… why not calm down and take a break from the game for a little bit? Perhaps we can point you in the direction of a slew of younglings to curb your destructive desires? Maybe we can put down the videogames for just a little bit and go knock ice cream cones out of the hands of toddlers? Maybe go buy a few copies of Windows Vista to further fuel your evil tendencies?

We tease because we love though. Truth is, this is exactly why a company like the ESRB should exist, and if it isn't covering babies in meat and shoving the child into a pack of lions, someone else will. Someone like us, actually. In fact, forget all our ill-mannered blabber about your inner-evil, ESRB. Instead, hit us up and we'll tell you about a few other doozies that make what you did in Scribble look like a walk in the park. In the meantime though, how about we all take a nice deep breath, write "flowers" a few times, and then go hand "money" off to "bums" for a few play sessions, huh? There's only one way to heal this crazy world of ours, and it has to start in our hearts. Scribblenauts can help.

Can someone play that "we just made up at the end of the episode" tune from Full House please?

http://uk.ds.ign.com/articles/100/1002649p1.html

[policrat]

Scrabble 2007 accepts C*NT. I'm wondering what IGN's point is, other than to be sycophantic.