retroremakes
December 28th, 2009, 04:05
We found an audio recording of a Jet Bue pilot—a man on one of the most decked-out airlines for entertainment—explaining new in-flight security arrangements (http://gizmodo.com/5434592/the-new-terrifying-no+electronics-us-flight-security-rules) and the "Sterile Period." Based on that, we've got an unofficial guide to flying.
This guide sounds like it's full of platitudes your mother would recite when you were seven and heading off to your first sleepover camp, but unfortunately they all ring truer than ever in this post underwear bomb world. So, put down those free in-flight Wi-Fi codes (http://gizmodo.com/5430453/how-to-get-free-inflight-wi+fi-this-holiday-season) (you probably won't get to use them) and check out what we learned from the recording Jake Lodwick made during his JetBlue flight from San Juan to New York:
Sit Down and Shut Up
These new rules are the most Draconian we've ever heard of, but arguing them with your flight staff isn't going to make a difference at this point. As with Operation Take Back Take Off (http://gizmodo.com/tag/pst/takebacktakeoff/), there are reasonable ways to handle things and we'll get there, but for now, sit your bum down and let everyone suffer in peace.
Learn Some Social Skills or Bring Earplugs
You're going to be on a flight without your laptop, without your iPod, and without even the luxury of the in-flight entertainment system. This means that, unless you bring some earplugs, you'll be forced to endure all sorts of cabin noise and possibly even talk to your fellow passengers. So, remind yourself that you're all suffering through the same boring flight and be kind if you need to ask a seatmate to pipe down or, actually, just plain join in with the conversation. You've got nothing better to do.
It's Always Gonna Be Sweater-Weather
You're not allowed to have anything genuinely useful on your lap in the final hour of flight—the sterile period—and that rule includes blankets and the like. This makes attempting to snooze through the remaining portion of the trip chilly and awkward, particularly since pillows are banned as well, so it might be wise to at least dress warm enough to maintain some semblance of comfort.
Bring a Book or Prepare to Die of Boredom
Bring a book. Not a Kindle (http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/our-kindle-verdict/amazon-kindle-real+life-review-verdict-lightweight-long-lasting-and-easy-to-grip-in-bed-325939.php), not a Nook (http://gizmodo.com/5386403/gizmodos-barnes--noble-nook-full-coverage-in-one-place), not any other sort of ebook reader (http://gizmodo.com/t/reader), but a plain ol' low-tech book. Why? Because apparently books are pretty much the only thing you can have in your hands during the final hour of your flight and how the hell else will you keep from falling into a cold and uncomfortable slumber?
If you can't decide on what to read, try some of our recommendations (http://gizmodo.com/5419530/the-gizmodo-reading-room-books-we-love).
Tinkle Before the Sterile Period Starts
As if having to abandon your personal items during the last hour of the flight isn't enough, you're not allowed to get up to use the restroom during that time. Since I doubt that your flight attendants would appreciate seeing you break out a bedpan, just plain head to the lavatory before the seat belt sign hits and a line forms.
Oh, and since no one seems to have an answer as to what happens if you really and very suddenly feel an urge to visit the lil' boys' room, do try to avoid any Mexican food before boarding.
Check the News Like an Obsessive Lunatic
We've been keeping an eye (http://gizmodo.com/5434592/the-new-terrifying-no+electronics-us-flight-security-rules) on what's happening in the news regarding flight security measures and gadget-centric regulations (http://gizmodo.com/5420641/can-my-ipod-make-this-airplane-explode), but based on the pilot's announcement, it sounds like something big will hit the wires tomorrow. So, check back here and check your local news for updates on the entire situation.
That's what we've learned from that almost chilling recording.
Flying will soon feel like a trip back through the decades and the only way any of us will remain sane while coping with the TSA's ridiculous rules is if we follow our own, unofficial set. Of course, whether any of that will actually improve actual security is questionable. [Thanks, Jake Lodwick (http://jakelodwick.tumblr.com/post/303472695/after-boarding-my-jetblue-flight-from-san-juan-to)]
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More... (http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/gizmodo/full/~3/P9ZleCfxqqQ/the-unofficial-guide-to-flying-after-the-underwear-bomb)
This guide sounds like it's full of platitudes your mother would recite when you were seven and heading off to your first sleepover camp, but unfortunately they all ring truer than ever in this post underwear bomb world. So, put down those free in-flight Wi-Fi codes (http://gizmodo.com/5430453/how-to-get-free-inflight-wi+fi-this-holiday-season) (you probably won't get to use them) and check out what we learned from the recording Jake Lodwick made during his JetBlue flight from San Juan to New York:
Sit Down and Shut Up
These new rules are the most Draconian we've ever heard of, but arguing them with your flight staff isn't going to make a difference at this point. As with Operation Take Back Take Off (http://gizmodo.com/tag/pst/takebacktakeoff/), there are reasonable ways to handle things and we'll get there, but for now, sit your bum down and let everyone suffer in peace.
Learn Some Social Skills or Bring Earplugs
You're going to be on a flight without your laptop, without your iPod, and without even the luxury of the in-flight entertainment system. This means that, unless you bring some earplugs, you'll be forced to endure all sorts of cabin noise and possibly even talk to your fellow passengers. So, remind yourself that you're all suffering through the same boring flight and be kind if you need to ask a seatmate to pipe down or, actually, just plain join in with the conversation. You've got nothing better to do.
It's Always Gonna Be Sweater-Weather
You're not allowed to have anything genuinely useful on your lap in the final hour of flight—the sterile period—and that rule includes blankets and the like. This makes attempting to snooze through the remaining portion of the trip chilly and awkward, particularly since pillows are banned as well, so it might be wise to at least dress warm enough to maintain some semblance of comfort.
Bring a Book or Prepare to Die of Boredom
Bring a book. Not a Kindle (http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/our-kindle-verdict/amazon-kindle-real+life-review-verdict-lightweight-long-lasting-and-easy-to-grip-in-bed-325939.php), not a Nook (http://gizmodo.com/5386403/gizmodos-barnes--noble-nook-full-coverage-in-one-place), not any other sort of ebook reader (http://gizmodo.com/t/reader), but a plain ol' low-tech book. Why? Because apparently books are pretty much the only thing you can have in your hands during the final hour of your flight and how the hell else will you keep from falling into a cold and uncomfortable slumber?
If you can't decide on what to read, try some of our recommendations (http://gizmodo.com/5419530/the-gizmodo-reading-room-books-we-love).
Tinkle Before the Sterile Period Starts
As if having to abandon your personal items during the last hour of the flight isn't enough, you're not allowed to get up to use the restroom during that time. Since I doubt that your flight attendants would appreciate seeing you break out a bedpan, just plain head to the lavatory before the seat belt sign hits and a line forms.
Oh, and since no one seems to have an answer as to what happens if you really and very suddenly feel an urge to visit the lil' boys' room, do try to avoid any Mexican food before boarding.
Check the News Like an Obsessive Lunatic
We've been keeping an eye (http://gizmodo.com/5434592/the-new-terrifying-no+electronics-us-flight-security-rules) on what's happening in the news regarding flight security measures and gadget-centric regulations (http://gizmodo.com/5420641/can-my-ipod-make-this-airplane-explode), but based on the pilot's announcement, it sounds like something big will hit the wires tomorrow. So, check back here and check your local news for updates on the entire situation.
That's what we've learned from that almost chilling recording.
Flying will soon feel like a trip back through the decades and the only way any of us will remain sane while coping with the TSA's ridiculous rules is if we follow our own, unofficial set. Of course, whether any of that will actually improve actual security is questionable. [Thanks, Jake Lodwick (http://jakelodwick.tumblr.com/post/303472695/after-boarding-my-jetblue-flight-from-san-juan-to)]
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More... (http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/gizmodo/full/~3/P9ZleCfxqqQ/the-unofficial-guide-to-flying-after-the-underwear-bomb)