The Land of Kornsuccubus released.

[ExcruciationX]

You wanted it, so you got it. Please tell me how good I did. I would recommend printing it out and reading it so that you're not staring at a screen all the time.

[VampDude]

You wanted it, so you got it. Please tell me how good I did. I would recommend printing it out and reading it so that you're not staring at a screen all the time.

I would recommend e-book form, I read e-books on my Xda when I'm away from home (I wouldn't read one at home). :p

[ExcruciationX]

But at home you're in a comfortable environment (hopefully) and that makes reading easier.

[VampDude]

But at home you're in a comfortable environment (hopefully) and that makes reading easier.

Not for me (home is to comfortable), I read on train journeys, if I'm not reading anything I'm often seen doing the Hubword in the back of the e-motion magazine which I can always find at least 80% the words - oh and bluetooth hacking! (which is easy on trains) :D

[ExcruciationX]

You must be British. Our country could learn a bunch of stuff from your's.

[VampDude]

You must be British. Our country could learn a bunch of stuff from your's.

lol, what do you mean by "Our country could learn a bunch of stuff from your's" ??? :rofl:

[dejkirkby]

I think he means we are a country of criminals!!!
PS. i'll give this a read!!

[VampDude]

I think he means we are a country of criminals!!!
PS. i'll give this a read!!

We're not criminals?

Well I'm not, I just like playing with other peoples phones from my phone (making their phones beep and then dialing 100). :D

[Shrygue]

Let's keep to topic please.

Anyway, so the story of The Land of Kornsuccubus has been released. That's good, I'll give it a read when I've done the newsround.

P6000

[ExcruciationX]

So, has anyone read it through yet?

[Shrygue]

I've read all 21 pages of it and it's good. The ending is rather sad though...

[ExcruciationX]

I've read all 21 pages of it and it's good. The ending is rather sad though...
Good, then I've done my job. :)

[VampDude]

We could use alternative modes of transportation in the U.S.

You wouldn't want the modes of transport we have, trains aren't that good or reliable, I thought there were trains in the U.S. ???


I quoted the above before it was deleted! (and it's taken me 5 hours to reply) :D


So, has anyone read it through yet?

I've read about two thirds of it, it's ok what I've read so far. (I'm currently sidetracked with something else at the moment) :)

[ExcruciationX]

You wouldn't want the modes of transport we have, trains aren't that good or reliable, I thought there were trains in the U.S. ???
I suppose cars are easier to use.


I've read about two thirds of it, it's ok what I've read so far. (I'm currently sidetracked with something else at the moment) :)
Good.

[Johnny Rash]

SO SORRY EX!

It's been awhile since I've signed on and I have read the last version you sent me.

I've read through it and there were several spelling errors as well as many plot mistakes I'll walk you through.

Can't be too sure though because this may be another version with all of it corrected.
I'll give it another read.

Good work (on the last version or this version if it's the same)

[ExcruciationX]

Yeah, I think I corrected them all.

[VampDude]

Yeah, I think I corrected them all.

I think you corrected them all cause there were no red lines under your words except for the word "Kornsuccubus" :)

[Johnny Rash]

Reread.

There are still a couple errors.
Errors spell check would have ignored.
Like this.



The detached part of the staircase fell like a rock in the air- knocking against both sides of the Citadel. Zuka Zam'ee held on to the rails, until a steall rod flew up. Zuka Zam'ee turned his head to avoid it, but it hit near where his head joined his neck despite his efforts. He toppled backward, and felt the remnants of the staircase finally hit the ground, which sent him upward a few feet and finally laid him to rest in the corner next to the staircase.

The word you're looking for is "steel".


And a couple others.
I'll read it again and form a corrections sheet.
Still, it is very nice work.

Inspiring...maybe I'll finish my novel.

[ExcruciationX]

Reread.

There are still a couple errors.
Errors spell check would have ignored.
Like this.



And a couple others.
I'll read it again and form a corrections sheet.
Still, it is very nice work.

Inspiring...maybe I'll finish my novel.
DRAT!

[Johnny Rash]

All shall be corrected.

Though, you should probably reread it yourself.
Imagine it.
Imagine....

Then you'll find where some plot elements were redundant and some detail in combat was still lacking or lacking wording that correctly "painted' the glorious mural of yours.

Work...it is still required.
Sorry, bro.
But work is always need.

Make the story "flow" better.