PlayStation 3 Bug and Delay Claims Flare. From Nowhere at All

Reports hitting the Internet over the weekend claim that Sony Computer Entertainment is in dire straits, unable to cope with the PlayStation 3, asserting that the console will be both late and plagued with bugs.

Much of the uproar stems from amateur games site Kotaku, and upon closer inspection, fails to hold any significant weight. In fact, we'll be impressed if the site doesn't come under pressure from Sony, given that its claims - eagerly picked up on by a press sector with little to cover for a few weeks - stem from between nothing and very little.

The uproar stems from a person who (and where have we heard this before) is an insider who gets real, actual, hands-on time with the PlayStation 3. His message as reported on Kotaku reads:

“PS3 Info Before I Head Out Of Japan Friday Towards Noon, Thats Tokyo time. Have fun waiting a while longer boys. No way that thing is coming out in March. The games just arent there and lots of other isseus I cant delve into right now.”

It seems that Kokat... Tokaku... whatever, has been emailed by one of the trillion 'insiders' who unfailingly have in-depth, hands-on knowledge of an unreleased console and decide that emailing websites to tell them all about it is the best way to spend his time.

There's more however. Kotatu... Tukoki... whatever, posted a follow-up piece to lend weight to its initial article. The genius behind this is so overwhelming, we feel it is essential reading. The site explains:

“We reported Friday about what a man named Fishie claimed was his first hand experience with what he called a very not-ready-for-prime-time Playstation 3. Today I’ve got an interesting conversation between an in-the-know and a friend that occurred a few months ago.”

It then, incredibly, posts a MSN Messenger conversation between two 'insiders' for your reading pleasure:


In-the-know says:
Sony will have to scramble and scramble hard to make spring release

In-the-know says:
and in case they actually manage that their content will stink since all games are way too far off

Friend Mole says:
lol

Friend Mole says:
i thought it was easy to program for

Friend Mole says:
unreal enine demo

Friend Mole says:
that was up in no time

In-the-know says:
an engine demo is not a full featured game

In-the-know says:
a game needs testing and extensively so

In-the-know says:
suppose you have an engine that can render a thousand butterflies

Friend Mole says:
yea?
[NOTE: He was most likely talking about the Factor 5 dragon game ‘Lair’]

In-the-know says:
and can do that in hi def at 60fps

In-the-know says:
you make one of the butterflies fully controllable instead of random

In-the-know says:
and its still 60 fps

In-the-know says:
but suddenly the engine starts cracking even without touching a controller

In-the-know says:
then you need to start looking what code is making it behave that way

In-the-know says:
start optimizing and changing parameters so external shit doesn’t cause that sorta stuff

Friend Mole says:
hmmm

In-the-know says:
lemme give another example

In-the-know says:
You have a 350 horsepower engine

In-the-know says:
350hp in tests

In-the-know says:
put it in a car and use faulty screws

In-the-know says:
and the engine will tear your nice car apart

Friend Mole says:
hmm, are things that severe over in sonyland?

In-the-know says:
then just try to find out what is wrong

In-the-know says:
it’s that severe with every game

Friend Mole says:
wow

Friend Mole says:
do you think they foresaw these problems?

In-the-know says:
yah

Friend Mole says:
wow

In-the-know says:
I mean

In-the-know says:
its always like that

In-the-know says:
MS has the same problem

In-the-know says:
but Sony miscalculated the added complexity of the cell infrastructure and its adverse effects on development

Friend Mole says:
so what did MS do right where Sony misstepped?

In-the-know says:
MS did a shitload wrong as well

In-the-know says:
none of the early games really show of the XBox

Friend Mole says:
has to do with out of order processing?

In-the-know says:
that is giving them a big image problem right now with people calling it xbox 1.5

In-the-know says:
yah that too


Of course, the reports cropping up in recent days stem from little more than developer and publisher unease at Sony's progress with its new home console, and delays have been widely mooted for months. The lack of rolling game footage has caused endless speculation on the subject of taming the Cell processor, and it seems that this chatter has spurred reports across the web that stem from very little of substance.

We believe it's highly likely that the PlayStation 3 will be delayed. We also believe that it will launch with a dire lack of software. However, aside from the off-the-record comments of developers (already in receipt of PlayStation 3 development kits) these assertions don't stem from any of the hundred or so 'insider' emails we receive on a weekly basis*. More the fact that it's completely ****ing obvious.

*'Insiders' and those with a best friend who works at Company X in Japan. From now on, your emails must be accompanied by some sort of image to garner any sarcastic coverage on our pages.