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Published on December 26th, 2012 21:41
I adore handheld gaming. I have ever since I first laid eyes on the original Game Boy in 1990. Vita and 3DS? Both day-one purchases. So it pains me to admit that my interest in dedicated portable consoles has hit an all-time low.
I've taken serious time to reflect on this, but I always come to the same conclusion; handheld consoles have lost their way.
Modern portables are just not what they used to be, or what I want them to be anymore.
I always loved handheld gaming for the convenience of portability, and I don't mean "gaming on the go" - the most overused term in handheld console marketing. I use my handhelds at home. But I don't always like to be confined to my living room TV. I enjoy gaming in the garden under the shade of my porch. I like gaming in complete ignorance of my wife's obsession with Vampire Diaries and Once Upon a Time - shows which dominate the TV for hours each week. I love gaming in bed before sleeping - that's a near nightly practice for me.But I also love portable gaming for its purity. As console games gradually became bigger, prettier, more complicated and inherently more expensive throughout the late '90s and early 2000s, portable gaming's inferior hardware forced it to remain true to the simpler origins of my lifelong hobby. I don't just mean 'old-school', but streamlined, fast, and direct.
Now, in 2012/13, we have portables that are more capable than the wildest dreams of my 12-year-old self. And having lived with them far beyond the initial honeymoon period, I really wish they weren't.
My point is, portable consoles' obsessive pursuit of "console quality gaming" has done more harm than good. It's their final attainment of this high-end performance that's ruining handhelds for what they really should be - portable, convenient and, crucially, instantly gratifying.
Let's start with that - load times. This grates on me more than any other aspect of modern portable gaming. I want to flick on my portable and I want to be playing a game within 20 seconds. I want to play a quick race during a commercial break. I want to blast through a quick mission while I wait for my wife to apply the finishing touches to her hairdo. Nevermind the scenario, I just don't want to bloody wait.
Yet it takes a hair under a minute to get to gameplay in Resident Evil: Revelations on 3DS. And no less than a minute and 28 seconds to get Vita from standby mode - not even full shutdown...standby - to actual gameplay in Assassin's Creed 3: Liberation. A minute and a fricking half.
I know, I know... huge open world, high-res textures - it's all 'triple-A'. I get it. Truly impressive on a machine that size, too. That much is undeniable. But this is exactly my point. I sit down on the throne, fire up my Vita and I'm half-way done before I even get in-game. Sorry, but that's a fail.
All those high-end visuals have an knock-on effect in other areas, too. Namely, battery life. Unfortunately, power cell technology hasn't progressed in equivalency with the increasingly power-hungry processors of today. Admittedly, most of the time it's not a huge deal - the 2.5 to four hour battery life of the 3DS and Vita is enough to see you through your average commute, or doctor wait time."There's no denying that this is abysmal performance"
However, I recently took my Vita out to a racing track day where I knew I'd spend most of my time waiting to get on track in a car. My plan was to keep busy with Vita during downtimes. I started the morning with a fully-charged Vita. It was dead before lunch.
There's no denying that this is abysmal performance. Anything less than 6 to 8 hours and battery life becomes a serious concern - especially for long journeys or extended periods without access to a power outlet. Convenient, this is certainly not, and it even calls into question the true 'portability' of these machines before we even touch on their size.
Let's talk about that though. Surely, portables should be portable, no? I mean, truly portable. 'Put them in your pocket even if you might not use them' portable. 3DS is just too big for that kind of commitment, and to call Vita portable in that regard is almost laughable. It's a brick. Early '90s mobile phone levels of heft.
You could argue that very few portable consoles have actually been pocketable over the years, and you'd be right. Game Boy was massive. Game Gear? Ha! The crucial difference is that there was nothing like Game Boy back in 1990. 'Snake' - the Angry Birds of the pre-smartphone era and the title that unintentionally kick-started mobile phone gaming - wasn't even programmed for a Nokia device until 1997, according to the official Nokia blog.
Game Boy evolved though, and it attained true portability with the brilliant GBA SP. But modern handhelds have seemingly thrown this all away in favour of high-end performance, cameras and rear touch panels.
Both Sony and Nintendo's latest machines are undoubtedly impressive bits of kit, but if I could sacrifice some of that horsepower and a few of those cameras for a console that slips neatly into my inside pocket, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
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