Metal Gear PSP Contest Winner
news via wired blogs
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A few Fridays ago, I announced a giveaway of some schwag Konami sent out to promote the first honest-to-god Metal Gear Solid game on PSP, the one that doesn't involve turn-based card playing. The schwag is a...hmmm. I'm not sure what it is exactly, it's kinda like a snap-on plastic prophylactic for your PSP, makes it look like your handheld is wearing football pads or body armor.
Anyway, I promised to send this thingamajig to whoever sent me "the most Kojima-esque explanation of how Otacon is secretly Revolver Ocelot's brother's twin's clone's secret lover." A tall order, but Ian Granados of Gulfport, Florida dreamed up a scenario so convoluted and arcane that it would cause Hideo Kojima himself to tear off his hipster glasses, collpase into a chair, rub his temples and weep inconsolably.
Read Ian's brilliant MGS fanfic after the jump.
When Otacon began his VR training to learn to eat Snakes, the wrong program was loaded up, teaching him how to hack complex computer systems (but not bypass doors with keycards) as well as provide strategic military support despite not having any military training. Of course his lack of any snake or combat training led to his extreme cowardice, which is why he left his high pressure job to take a sabbatical in Russia where he was tortured nude by the Patriots. However, he was rescued by what he thought was Ocelot's brother's twin (who still looked like the young pretty boy Ocelot circa the 1960's). Of course, this was due to the fact that he was just a clone of Ocelot who aged much more slower, in direct contrast to all the Big Boss clones. The phenomenon can be explained by the fact that Ocelot's bloodline is in fact much more hardcore than old man Snake's blood, because it was mingled with the Ninja's blood. And of course everyone knows that Snake hits on every woman that he's have ever encountered. Otacon, knowing that any woman he might fall in love with would either have been with Snake or his sister (if she wasn't dead) falls for Ocelot's brother's twin's clone. They had a nice villa in Tuscany until Ocelot's brother's twins clone was stepped on by a Metal Gear (honestly, does it even matter which one it was?). So Otacon returned to aid Snake in his fight against whatever, with his camcorder on legs.
I think that Kojima, as well as other great game writers like Marc Laidlaw, Steven Meretzky, Tim Schafer, Erik Wolpaw, Chris Metzen, Chris Avellone, Ron Gilbert, Warren Spector, Hiroyuki Kubota and Arinn Dembo had better watch their backs. There's a new champeen game scenarist in town, and his name is Ian Granados. Congrats Ian! The MGS PSP doohickey is on its way to you...
