For the scify fans

Ive been freaken wracking my brain lately.
Trying to learn to code. believe it or not things arnt just all falling to place for me. Sure ive learned a lot of things. but learning to code isnt easy, I envy the people that have already mastered the art. It takes time and dedication to learn. Somtimes tho the frustration is so mind numbing that I have to take a break. While I was working on my game that I cant wait to finish.
I was thinking about the story line, Which I have learned is truely my favorite part of the development process. I got to thinking of other stories I had thought up in the past, And this one sticks out amoung them.

Only a scify fan would enjoy this but ive pretty much completed the first two chapters of my book. And so I wanna submit them here.
I just wanna know what people think. I mean ive thought up plots and such but ive never writen before. So I dont know if this sucks.
I really wanna know what people think tho, so here are the first two chapters of my book. If people enjoy it I will keep bringing them out here in this thread.
If people dont like them please let me know, I dont want to toil my time away writeing a book that when finished would be complete garbage.

So here is chapter one

working title: swimming with the dolphins.

Its dark,pitch black dark
,not a star in the sky. Even the moon is too good to show itself on a night like this.
How did i get into this mess, miles away from a any city lights not a car in sight, walking. I knew I shoulda checked those tires.
But no they'll make it one more trip. Just one more trip to her house and i'll put some new ones on it tomorrow. ha-ha! I could have expected as much. Never tempt fate, you never win joseph. Thats what dear ol dad always used to say. And just how is dear old dad today anyways?
Oh yeah thats right I wouldnt know would I, Not that I would care, The lousy bastard left me and mom when I was thirteen so he could go **** underage whores and drink himself to death.
Humph.. How ironic that was thirteen years ago.
Its funny how things have changed since you left old man. Mom got remarried not that I would know what her husband was like.
She shipped me off to a boys school as soon as she moved him in. psh.. Thinkng to himself. boys school might as well be an orphenage.
She came to viset me at first, always by herself. so I never met her new man toy. But im sure yo would have liked him pop. I hear he was everything you wasnt. Not that either of you are worth pissng on to put out a fire.

Yeah pop thats what I would tell you if you where still alive. Im Sorry I never got the chance too tell you how I truely feel. You know donna? If your to plastered to remember her, she was your fifth live in whore.
She tells me my name was the last words that rolled from your drunken lips as you died. Well she doesnt put it quite as elequintly as I do but you get the gyst.
Ahh the hell with it. why am I rambeling on like some spoiled little kid here. I need to be finding a gas station so I can get this tire patched, this damn thing is heavy .
Seeing lights coming over the next hill about a two hundred yards away .Joseph drops his tire and starts waving franticly, both arms in the air, HEEEYYYYY!! OVER HERE !! he shouts loudly as the lights come over the hill tword him.
Squinting his eyes. joseph thinks,this must be one of those new trucks with the holigyn headlights.
It would have to be,those are really really glaring, how can they make cars with headlights like that it would blind somebody off the road.
As the vehicle come in closer following the road, joseph hears a humming noise, like nothing hes ever head before, woah, what do they put under the hood of those things
nowadays.
Still waving,still shouting Joseph stops, almost frozen by amazement and shock.
The damn things floatin!! the frigen, whatever that is Its floatin!
ITs drawing closer to joseph at this pont joseph thinks to himself i'm not that desperate to be picked up. I gotta find som place to hide! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!?!
Turning around to run joseph didnt even bother to pick up the tire he had dropped
He was in full stride, Thinking to himself well joseph all those years of track finally paid off huh!? Surely he can find a place to hide before it sees him, his top speed was 26 miles per hour. but only in short strides.
Just when joseph though he had made it in the clear.
Everything around him stops and so does he, caught in this intence white light.
At this point joseph wishes he had just spent the night at his girlfriends house like she wanted. He could almost hear his fathers voice in the back of his mind,
To little to late joe.
Everything goes brilliant White, I.. I Cant see anything whats going on!!!
He feels cold and hot wet and dry, senations all over his body this isnt normal, whats going on!!
finely the white starts to fade slowly his eys begin to focus. seeng shapes.
oh god for a split second joe thinks hes in the hospital. Oh doc that truck must have hit me pretty damn hard, am I glad to see you, everything looks funny right now it must have dinged me up pretty good.
But as josephs eyes continue to focus the shapes of his doctors come into plainer view. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!! WHERE AM I!!! THIS ISNT A HOSPITAL !! LET ME UP GET AWY FROM ME!! DONT TOUCH ME!! joseph doesnt show it but hes never been this frghtened in his life. little white men with big black eyes and gigantic heads.
thats it this is a bad dream. loretta cooked her meatloaf again and im having some sort of nightmare brought on by indigestion. yeah that got to be it.
It doesnt matter im still scared,there still creepy,and I still dont like this.
He Felt like he was being held down confined, That was a feeling joseph wasnt comfortable with, thrashing around violently joseph broke free of there grasp.

For the lack of expression on there faces they looked suprised, terrifyed joseph said okay look just drop me back where you found me and nobody gets hurt!
all eyes in the room turnd to. there coming at me. I dont wanna go back on the table. looking at them joseph noticed,for as terrifying as they looked they where awfully small and kind of skinny. Thats it he thought, If there all comming at me then the first one that gets close enough to grab im gonna take him hostage and then they'll have to listen to me. as soon as this thought crossed his mind a creature came within reaching distance of joseph. Its now or never he thought. grabbing the creature. joseph thoguht damn thats funny, skin feels just like a snakes or somthing.
not slimey or wet or cold, But smooth slick and shiny with little scales all over it. Well no time for a biology lesson. its time to talk buisness with these, whatever the hell these are!!
But before joseph could say a word, all eyes in the room where fixed solely on joseph. Stareing. it was a very auquard feeling. almost to much to bear and becoming more intence. WAIT!! THIS ISNT NATURAL!! There doing somthing to me!!
screaming out as loudly as he could STOP IT!! STOPT IT DAMN YOU!! I SAID STOP!! going into an already terrifyed fit of rage, it now became uncontrolible! acidentaly
breaking the creatures neck as it droped lifeless to the floor. joseph Knew he was in for it now. The creatures all staring,gathered around him..
The BUZZING in HIS head ... MAKE it STOP!!!!!!!! Darkness...................

wow that was so long, i couldnt even take the time to read it sorry! hey why dont u put on akb's sig that he made for you, and u didnt even put it on yet!

Swimming with the dolphins

Chapter 2: Out of darkness

As joseph's Eyes open slowly open To an empty dim lit room. laying there on the same table he fought so hard to break away from before.,
What im not dead!? Thought I was a goner. It looks like those things are gone! Nows my chance to look around And see if theres a door out of this place. laughing joseph thought to himself I wont be recomending this hotel to anyone any time soon. Remembering times past, the children at the boys school where he did most of his growing up had a name for there residence they spitefully called hell house, The beds where old and rusty. Almost every matress has springs poking out,
somtimes you would wake up in the mornings with cuts and scrapes from a stray spring that cought you in your sleep. The boys would all show off there scars and cuts to each other telling stories of how they fought and won those scars, They all knew those stories werent true, But told them any way the stories where a source of creativity and fun for them This was joes fondest recolection of st. epstines school for boys,

But even those beds where more confortible then this metal table. Ive gotta get up, Ive gotta move theres not telling when those things are comeing back, riseing up joseph looks around the room. its not quite exactly like he rememberd it before but he can tell its the same room. Looks different for some reason he thought,

Oh well ive got better things to reminiss about then this. Moving around was not quite as difficult as it was earlier, huh he thought. Well I was pretty tired.

I guess the rest no matter how hellish it was could have only helped. walking around the room joseph noticed an odd lack of,furniture, tables,desks, excetra ,there was nothing that a normal room would have in it even before ,but a few flashing lights here and there and I know I remember plainly, as he was walking around the room joe said there was a table like pedistle here with tools and artifacts on top of it, And there was this round container like thing over here that was like attached to the wall.where did evrything go? This room was full of gizmos and doo dads.

But its empty now. As joseph examines the walls to try to find an exit. he hears a sound like A sneaker being streaked across a hard wood floor. A DOOR!! it opened automaticly?! as the door opened joeseph slowly aproaches and looks outside to see if he can see any of those little creatures, The coast looks clear, Thats my que to exit stage: where ever the hell I can get as long as its far far away from here. Entering a narrow hallway that seems to travel around a bigger center room, With doors on both Sides,around the path in from of him he sees light creeping from around the wall. Frightened joe just stands there knowing he cant go back to that empty room and haveing no place to hide he awaits his fate at the hands of his captors.

The figure aproaches at a steady pace joe is frozen not by fear but by instinct, looking at the creature as it passes by him, joes thinking you know those guys dont look as scary as i remember them. Maybe a lttle bit taller though.

The creature passes joseph by without even a glance, joe takes this as his meracalous que to move onword, quickly before it changes its mind!,
moveing tword the light joe notices its an open door , Its really the only place I can go he thought to himself.

upon entering the room joe is met by three creatures as they are coming out. Before he can think of how to react they pass him by. Thats odd joe thought. Earlier they where holding me down. and now they pass me right by like they dont even notice me?!

joe presses on into the room, Its a well lit room with a glass table. suprised to see Food That smelled suprisingly just like his mom used to make, Complete with silverware that looked a lot like the same silverware he remembered that his mom was so proud to bring out on thanksgiving day..

Well he thought. Its already been a hell of a day, Whats the worst that can happen, im hungy anyway. Setting down at the table joe began to eat, It tasted just like his moms cooking, joe thought to himself, thats it ive died and im traped in the twilight zone. nobody has ever been able to fry chicken just like mom used to make.

Reaching out to pick up a the the napken, joe noticed his hand and was struck with shock!!!
WHAT THE HELL!!! looking at his reflection in the glass table. IM A MONSTER!! IM A MONSTER!!
josephs fear takes him over and his sight begins to fade, As he slips into darkness,,,,,

wow another WHOLE post!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by (s)ANIT

wow that was so long, i couldnt even take the time to read it sorry! hey why dont u put on akb's sig that he made for you, and u didnt even put it on yet!

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promise first thing in the morning it will be up brother :p

why not now? just wondering cause akb is my close friend!