why me, why her, why anyone ??

[xg917]

so sorry if this is junk and useless.. but im just in a down state so early in my life

i dont even know where to start..
there is this girl. i knew her since the end of 6th grade (im in 10th grade now), she is like my best friend (NOW..) but i love her. i havent seen her for about 2 years.. im only 15 and i know i should b enjoying my life and enjoy being young and have fun. but this girl is just the number one person i cant stop talking to, i cant stop thinking about. she has a boy friend now and she said somehting that she nd her bf did which got me pissed off.. sorta. what had happend was the i have been through a lot of $#@! in my life and this one little thing that she said just pulled the trigger and got me set off into pain and misery i told her all these things and meant every single one of them! i just wonder what the world would be like with out me being on the face of the earth
i know she doesnt love me, she doesnt admit it, she doesnt say if she loves me or not, she keeps quiet. i dont understand her, anyone else, or even myself. most of the time i try to be optimistic about things. but its so incredible that me being 15, i feel like i went through life and all the $#@! that has been going on (whether its involving me, or the world) im just tired and sick of sitting at home in front of the computer doing nothing. i just moved so i have like no friends (like i had any to start with..). so many haters and liars!!!
i just dont know what to do anymore. i live 2 hours away from the girl, she doesnt love me, she claims to be my Bff though. i cant always get what i want. but this is just such a different feeling that ive ever had in my life

here are some things i said to her today through IM:
--im not even gona ask wat else u done wit charlie, i dont want to hear his name again. idk if im making a big deal out of something that doesnt have to do wit me at all but i just hate liars and i regret everything that happend in the past and i regret being born

-- im 15 feel like im 60 or something cuz of all the $#@! thats been going on with me, my surroundings, my parents, my life, all there haters, all the liars, all the murderers.... it all happens too fast and you cant forget anything.

-- i guess im just love sick. thers nothing to love about this world.

--all these thoughts come to my mind
one of them is
what wouldve happened if i havent met you

--y should i love you if you dont love me and already have some one you love, why should i still talk to you if we havent spoken for years and possibly never see again, why did it have to be you that i fell in love with out of anyone in the world.. i dont want to be sound like im a freak for you or anything but this is one of my biggest issues. ive never set my lips on yours yet i still think of you. any of my other ex's i could care less for. you just wont get it if you really loved someone that you couldnt have. i hope i could forget about all the things i said and done.

sorry if this is too long.. i just have to get these things out someway to make me feel better.. i need help. i could keep going on with the story..

[VampDude]

Wow, your IM's sound so ummm...

...EMO! (sorry to laugh at your pain) lol

[Man]

This $#@! sucks a lot, im 17 and iv been havinbg the same thoughts for a long time, its not ab normal for these kinda things to happen, i had a situation very similar to yours with a girl that i liked, but idk it never turned out well and lately iv always been depressed when im not high, its a brutal cycle, and i dont really know how to help you, but your not alone thats for sure.

[xg917]

im about to start smoking weed if my situation becomes worse... or do something drastic..
im sorry MAN.. we need soemthing to help us..

[ICE]

life is complicated. crap happens.

if you want my honest opinion i'll give it but you're not going to like it.

[VampDude]

im about to start smoking weed if my situation becomes worse... or do something drastic..
im sorry MAN.. we need soemthing to help us..

Stop being so melodramatic dude, your about to start being called an EMO and stuff because (and meaning no offense) your starting to sound like one.

[xg917]

as i said. theres nothing in this world to like. go give ur opinion. i cant feel any worse than i feel now.

[ICE]

okay sorry but im pissed now.
ive been through the same crap and i drug it out just like you and did all kinds of crap i shouldnt. ive been there i know what it is.

get the hell over yourself. you make stuff worse than it is in your head so that you can use it to get attention.

trust me when i tell you ive been to hell and back and getting this emo over a girl is total bullcrap.

suck it up.

[The King]

yo your not alone because i have been going threw the same things you have.

but theres a deference between you and me i have friends that actually try to pull me away from that tipe of stuff.

and yo dont start smoking weed of course its going to take the pain away but only for a while so its not worth it

an advise start to do stuff that will take your head of the problems of this world like sports or get involved in community work that tipe of stuff helps

also get over it theres way to many girls in this life time to get crazy over one

for every guy theres 9 girls got that ok remember that

[xg917]

im out.. i think a good night rest will help me through. thanks guys. thanks ICE but im not trying to seek attention, im trying to seek help..

good night everyone.