Rate The Joke Above You

[JPJunkie]

Instead of Rate the sig above you we have rate the joke above you. Each person tells a joke and also rate the person aboves joke out of 10. Get it?

Here we go: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Funny? (not really)

[parkermauney]

Heh. 8/10

"Yo mama's like a brick. Flat on all sides and gets laid by mexicans."

[dejkirkby]

Yo mama jokes just don't do it for me anymore.. 3/10
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottishman are captured in the jungle by Indians. There are given one chance to earn their freedom.
They are told to find 100 of any kind of fruit and shove them up their arse.
The Englishman brings back 100 grapes and shoves them up his arse without laughing.
The Scottishman brings back 100 strawberries and started shoving them up his are. He gets 99 up before bursting out in fits of laughter.
The Englishman leans over and asks why he laughed.
The Scottishman said, The Irishman is bringing back coconuts!!

[JKKDARK]

6/10

I checked this thread on my give-a-fcuk meter, and sure enough, it didn't register.

[blackrave]

5/10

Why do Swedes leave the door open when they go to the bathroom?
So that no one will peek at them through the key hole.

OK, more of a riddle, but it's funny.
JPJunkie's joke has been awarded the "funniest joke in the world" price if I remember correctly. I find it funny.

ExcruciationX: Rating, pl0x.

[ExcruciationX]

Where does the one-legged waitress work? At the IHOP!

[quzar]

Meh. I'm not a huge fan of one-liners unless they're non-sequitur or whatnot: 6/10.

So, a travelling salesman is going through farm country and stops at a house. On his way in he sees a pigpen with only one pig in it, and it had three legs.

Spoiler!

The salesman greets the man of the house and starts making his sales pitch, but is distracted by the thought of the three legged pig. Finally he says "sorry, but I have to know. What's the deal with the three legged pig?" "Oh him?" the farmer responds, "that's my hero pig. A few years ago, I was working the field and my tractor flipped over trapping me. He heard me screaming, broke out of his pen, ran into town, and caused such a ruckus that everyone came down to find out how he had gotten out. That pig saved my life." "Wow" the salesman said, "that's one hell of a pig."

Spoiler!

So the saleman continues his pitch, and moves onto pushing the delux package when he just has to ask: "Well, yeah, but what's with the pig only having three legs?". "You see, he's my hero pig. One time the farmhouse caught on fire and he broke out of his pen, broke down the door to the house, ran up the stairs, and dragged me and my sleeping wife out of the house and to safety. If it weren't for that pig, we would both be dead." "That's amazing!" the salesman said, shocked.

Spoiler!

So he made his sale, and was saying goodbye and finally said "Ok, so I get it, he's your hero pig, but I HAVE to know: Why does he only have three legs?!"

Spoiler!

"You can't eat that great a pig all at once."

That joke was told to me by a one eye-d drunkard cancer survivor while I was selling girl scout cookies. True story.

[Johnny Rash]

10/10.

Hahhah, I actually laughed at that one!

Nice use of spoilers.

But I don't have a joke to present...
Because all my jokes are racial jokes.

And while these jokes are hilarious.
Someone in the community will be hurt...

So if you came to rate.
Rate the joke above me.

[blackrave]

Hehe, that's quite good! I give it 9/10.

Two tomatoes cross a highway. Suddenly, one of them is run over. The other tomato says: "Come on, ketchup!"

Hint: The last word has two meanings.

[kcajblue]

thats an old one 6/10

whats similar about a christmas tree and a priest?

Spoiler!

their balls are just for decoration