Rate The Joke Above You

[JPJunkie]

Instead of Rate the sig above you we have rate the joke above you. Each person tells a joke and also rate the person aboves joke out of 10. Get it?

Here we go: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Funny? (not really)

[parkermauney]

Heh. 8/10

"Yo mama's like a brick. Flat on all sides and gets laid by mexicans."

[dejkirkby]

Yo mama jokes just don't do it for me anymore.. 3/10
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottishman are captured in the jungle by Indians. There are given one chance to earn their freedom.
They are told to find 100 of any kind of fruit and shove them up their arse.
The Englishman brings back 100 grapes and shoves them up his arse without laughing.
The Scottishman brings back 100 strawberries and started shoving them up his are. He gets 99 up before bursting out in fits of laughter.
The Englishman leans over and asks why he laughed.
The Scottishman said, The Irishman is bringing back coconuts!!

[JKKDARK]

6/10

I checked this thread on my give-a-fcuk meter, and sure enough, it didn't register.

[blackrave]

5/10

Why do Swedes leave the door open when they go to the bathroom?
So that no one will peek at them through the key hole.

OK, more of a riddle, but it's funny. :p
JPJunkie's joke has been awarded the "funniest joke in the world" price if I remember correctly. I find it funny.

ExcruciationX: Rating, pl0x.

[ExcruciationX]

Where does the one-legged waitress work? At the IHOP!

[quzar]

Meh. I'm not a huge fan of one-liners unless they're non-sequitur or whatnot: 6/10.

So, a travelling salesman is going through farm country and stops at a house. On his way in he sees a pigpen with only one pig in it, and it had three legs.

The salesman greets the man of the house and starts making his sales pitch, but is distracted by the thought of the three legged pig. Finally he says "sorry, but I have to know. What's the deal with the three legged pig?" "Oh him?" the farmer responds, "that's my hero pig. A few years ago, I was working the field and my tractor flipped over trapping me. He heard me screaming, broke out of his pen, ran into town, and caused such a ruckus that everyone came down to find out how he had gotten out. That pig saved my life." "Wow" the salesman said, "that's one hell of a pig."

So the saleman continues his pitch, and moves onto pushing the delux package when he just has to ask: "Well, yeah, but what's with the pig only having three legs?". "You see, he's my hero pig. One time the farmhouse caught on fire and he broke out of his pen, broke down the door to the house, ran up the stairs, and dragged me and my sleeping wife out of the house and to safety. If it weren't for that pig, we would both be dead." "That's amazing!" the salesman said, shocked.

So he made his sale, and was saying goodbye and finally said "Ok, so I get it, he's your hero pig, but I HAVE to know: Why does he only have three legs?!"

"You can't eat that great a pig all at once."





That joke was told to me by a one eye-d drunkard cancer survivor while I was selling girl scout cookies. True story.

[Johnny Rash]

10/10.

Hahhah, I actually laughed at that one!

Nice use of spoilers.

But I don't have a joke to present...
Because all my jokes are racial jokes.

And while these jokes are hilarious.
Someone in the community will be hurt...

So if you came to rate.
Rate the joke above me.

[blackrave]

Hehe, that's quite good! I give it 9/10.

Two tomatoes cross a highway. Suddenly, one of them is run over. The other tomato says: "Come on, ketchup!"

Hint: The last word has two meanings.

[kcajblue]

thats an old one 6/10

whats similar about a christmas tree and a priest?

their balls are just for decoration

[quzar]

A woman walks into the bar and asks for a double entendre. So the bartender gives it to her.

[xg917]

wats the difference between a jew and a canoe?

eventually, the canoe will tip.

not funny? too bad :)

[JKKDARK]

There was this gay, called Zion. Once upon a time, he bought a PlayStation 3. The next day he got AIDS and got raped by a goat... with AIDS. Due to this, he got double AIDS, leading to internal bleeding from the outside, which actually wasn't very internal at all. He went to a doctor, which wasn't actually a doctor, it was a hooker (Zion was dyslexic and could not read), so he got triple AIDS. Triple AIDS cancels out all the effects of AIDS, so he got lucky. Later that day he was run over by a bus.
The moral of the story? Don't buy a PlayStation 3 unless you're going to get raped by a goat and a hooker with AIDS. Also don't cross the road because a bus will hit you http://www.1emulation.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/thumbsup.gif

[sourced]

There was this gay, called Zion. Once upon a time, he bought a PlayStation 3. The next day he got AIDS and got raped by a goat... with AIDS. Due to this, he got double AIDS, leading to internal bleeding from the outside, which actually wasn't very internal at all. He went to a doctor, which wasn't actually a doctor, it was a hooker (Zion was dyslexic and could not read), so he got triple AIDS. Triple AIDS cancels out all the effects of AIDS, so he got lucky. Later that day he was run over by a bus.
The moral of the story? Don't buy a PlayStation 3 unless you're going to get raped by a goat and a hooker with AIDS. Also don't cross the road because a bus will hit you http://www.1emulation.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/thumbsup.gif

6/10. funny, but not so funny.

A girl Asks her mom about what a Dick is. Her mom Replies, "Dont Worry honey, if youre a good girl, you'll get one". then the girl asks, what if im bad? the mom replies, then you'll get more:rofl:

[pibs]

A man walking into a bar sees a sad horse posted outside, ignores it and continues into the bar.

The man asks for a beer and also asks why there was a sad horse outside of his bar.

"Tell ya what," the bartender suggested; "I'll give you a free round of drinks if you can make him laugh."

The man goes outside for a minute or two and tells the bartender to take a look. The horse was laughing uproariously. And so the bartender gives the man his rounds.

The next day the man walks into the bar and sees that the horse is still laughing. The man continues into the bar and asks the bartender for a beer.

"That was AMAZING what you did yesterday" the bartender told the man. "I'll give you another free round of drinks if you can make him sad again" and so the man takes the offer and walks outside for another minute or two and tells the bartender to take a look.

The horse was wallowing in tears. "Before I pour you the rounds you have to tell me how u made that horse laugh" said the bartender. The man confidently said I told him my dick was bigger than his. "But then how did you make him sad again?"The bartender asks.

The man replies I showed it to him.

[DarthPaul]

4/10

I've heard that one before.

The best joke so far is sourced's one. :rofl:

Ok here is mine:

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Lol, here's another! Sorry, I couldn't hold it anymore:

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's license.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her license.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your penis tastes like poop"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

Rate any of them. If you want to rate them both, well, better.

[JPJunkie]

Rate any of them. If you want to rate them both, well, better.

Both 10/10

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. "What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? How's it work?" "Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"

[splodger15]

6/10


A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

[JPJunkie]

6/10


A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'

6/10

A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."

[ExcruciationX]

Jeez, you people have a warped sense of humor...

[sourced]

4/10

I've heard that one before.

The best joke so far is sourced's one. :rofl:

Ok here is mine:

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Lol, here's another! Sorry, I couldn't hold it anymore:

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's license.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her license.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your penis tastes like poop"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

Rate any of them. If you want to rate them both, well, better.

lol, thanks man.

btw, you get a perfect 10 for both :p



EDIT:

Why Couldnt The Pervert Cross the Road?




He Couldnt get his dick out of the chicken. :rofl:

[Johnny Rash]

Jeez, you people have a warped sense of humor...

Yeah, especially DarthPaul.

Those jokes are twisted!

But funny.:rofl:

[the_eternal_dark]

Hmmm... I have one.

A man went to go pick up his girlfriend for their date. His girlfriend came running out to the car, crying, and jumped into the passenger seat and slammed the door.

The man asked, "What's wrong, baby?"

The girlfriend replied, "My mom says I can't see you anymore."

The man asks, "Why not?"

The girlfriend replied, "She says you are a pedophile."

The man responded, "Pedophile is such a big word for a 7 year old."



Lol, gross.


What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?

"Feel like a kid again."


Also gross.

[Kaida]

3/10 It is gross. Here is mine. Sorry if someone already posted it:
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

[Swimkid]

4/10

I've heard that one before.

The best joke so far is sourced's one. :rofl:

Ok here is mine:

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Lol, here's another! Sorry, I couldn't hold it anymore:

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's license.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her license.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your penis tastes like poop"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

Rate any of them. If you want to rate them both, well, better.

:eek: WHAT IS YUOR ISSUE??? :eek: Jesus thats disgusting! You got some sick friends man.